Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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