saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
