Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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