When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
