Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
