Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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