i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
