i wish my penis had a tongue
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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