I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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