i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
