At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
