Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
