i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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