She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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