The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My balls are so social today.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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