I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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