I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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