that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
