I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
