you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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