I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need moral support for this bender
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
