when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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