That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
