He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
