I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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