woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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