Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
