Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
