suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
