I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
