It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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