people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
