i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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