Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
