you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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