Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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