I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
