Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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