I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
