you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize