he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
