This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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