rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
