did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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