And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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