I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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