From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
