I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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