'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
