I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
