Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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