Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My pussy is not your playground.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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