if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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