Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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