someone get that fucking seahorse.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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