I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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