In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
