How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
