There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
