someone threw a dead crab at me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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