I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
