It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.