I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days