youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
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Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.