yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
