Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
