Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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