she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
