Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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