he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
