she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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