I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
